Whenever you go to a Family Day, military event, or get on the military websites, "counseling" is always brought up. They always mention counseling services, have a counselor speak, and discuss the importance of counseling. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a lot of people (myself included) have not used the counseling services available. Let's face it. No one likes to talk about counseling, therapy, or any of that. It sucks and it makes you feel crazy and like you can't handle things. There's a stigma that surrounds seeking counseling. We all think we are fine and can just power through. I have been through therapy before, I even worked in an inpatient mental health facility for 5 years, and I still dread the idea of counseling. I don't want to admit that life is difficult right now, I have hard things that I'm working through, and I need a little help. But honestly, that's just my pride talking.
My theatre professor in college gave us a long lecture on therapy one day. He said "if you don't need therapy, you don't need Jesus. Because if you don't need therapy, you obviously have your life together and can handle things on your own. You don't need a savior." (This makes more sense if you know I went to a Christian college). I really thought about that, though. If I don't need therapy or counseling, that means I have no issues to work through, and I can handle things just fine on my own. What use is there for friends or other people in my life? The truth is, everyone has something in their life they need help with, and being a military spouse means you have a lot of stressful situations in your life you could use some help with, especially around deployment. Also, being healthy and taking care of yourself helps your deployed spouse. He can do his job better if he knows that you are okay and finding healthy ways to cope. My husband will be affected if he knows I'm not okay, and if I'm unloading my problems and telling him how hard it is all the time, that will just make him feel guilty and worry. If he is not stressed about me, he can do his job better. If he can focus on his job, he will be more likely to be safe.
Yes, I have my friends I can depend on. But especially being a Reservist couple, we don't have military friends, there's no base near by with people going through the same thing, and others in the unit aren't even that close. And while having those things and a good support network is great, everyone is working on their own stuff and dealing with deployment within their own family. While they can empathize, they can't always do much more. My friends love me and are supportive, but don't understand and often can't handle everything I'm going through. My best friend said to me the other day when I was considering counseling. "I love you and I'm hear to listen, but I don't know what your going through and maybe it's a good idea to talk to someone who can handle it and who understands." That's just it, I can't put ALL of this on my friends, I need the help of someone outside, someone subjective, someone who "gets" deployment and military life.
So, last night, after weeks of thinking about it and putting it off, I called Military One Source and did a counseling assessment. First thing you need to know about these assessments is that if you are already feeling "crazy" for calling about counseling, this will make you feel worse, but power through that part. It's all for insurance purposes. They are going to tell you they have to report if there is sexual/pysical abuse, and so on. They aren't saying this is happening or going to happen, it's a necessary disclaimer. Then, they are going to ask you if you want to harm yourself or others, and more awesome questions like that. It's all just part of the "assessment" to see if you qualify for the counseling they offter. Which, if you are calling about the stress of deployment, work, money related things, couples counseling, and so on, they are going to be able to hook you up.
I did my assessment. And while I'm not thrilled about it, I'm also not ashamed. Deployment is hard. Military One Source connected me with a counselor in my area that works with them, and provided me with 12 FREE solution-based counseling sessions with a counselor that specializes in stress and anxiety (Military One Source also offers phone and online counseling options). Now, for those of you apprehensive about counseling because you don't want to delve into your whole life history and your relationship with your mom when you were five, this will make you feel better. Solution-based counseling means helping you cope with the situations you are facing NOW. You don't have to talk about how you were picked on in preschool or go into anything like that. You just work on what is presently troubling you, and gain tools and coping skills to get through it. I want to talk about deployment and my anxiety and stress related to that, and that's what we will talk about. Another awesome things is that if you don't have a "good fit" with the counselor, just call Military One Source back after a few sessions and they will connect you with a new counselor and restore those 3 used sessions.
I'll be honest with you, this was not an easy thing to do, and it's not an easy thing to write about and publish for the world. But, I believe it's important to erase the stigma of counseling. We all need help sometimes, and our friends can't always (and shouldn't) take on all that we are going through. Most importantly, no one should have to go through life feeling stuck or on their own. You are not on your own in deployment. I've tried to "power through" before and do deployment on my own, and it was a million times harder. Seeking counseling is hard and it's okay to be scared. And, if you need help further than the 12 free solution-based sessions, or medical counseling (Military One Source offers non-medical, which means no psychiatric diagnosis or medication), Military One Source will connect you to TriCare and your counseling and meds will be covered that way.
The truth is, going to counseling doesn't mean you aren't strong and independent. It doesn't mean you are falling apart and you can't handle things. It doesn't mean that you are broken or crazy. It does mean that you are human, you don't have all the answers, and talking to someone flat out is helpful. This is what I have to remind myself often as I put my big girl panties on, admit that I need a little help, and make the necessary phone calls and appoitments to take care of myself.
Military One Source
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