In Need of Sleepytime Tea

It's 12:30am. I was falling asleep on the couch about an hour ago. Of course, when I went to bed, I was instantly wide awake. As soon as I laid down, my husband started snoring, the cat (who sleeps by my head) decided it was time to start grooming herself, the dogs started pacing and looking out the window, and my brain started to go and go. I laid awake, torn between getting back up and trying to fall asleep in front of the tv again, journaling, working on all the planning I was doing in my head, or staying still and trying to sleep. I have a feeling it's going to be like this more and more until my husband leaves - which is quickly approaching. When big things are going on in my life, I obsess on the little things. Which is why I can't sleep tonight. I'm not laying awake thinking about deployment, I'm thinking about what decorations I'm going to buy for my husband's going away party. On the up-side, I've chosen a color scheme, decided where to shop for decorations, planned center pieces, and made several more lists in my head.

So, I decided to get up. My husband is up stairs asleep (which is rare these days, he's not sleeping well either) and I'm down here writing and drinking Celestial Seasonings Sleeptime Tea, which has become a staple in my pantry. (It's probably a better choice than wine.) Right now my tea of choice is Sleepytime Decaf Lemon Jasmine Green Tea - which I am currently drinking the last of. Of course, I'm not alone. I've also got Dorothy, Rose, Blanch and Sophia to keep me company. They have always been faithful. Thank God for Golden Girls marathons.

I also remembered, while laying in bed planning color schemes, that I have my first counseling session this week. Yep, I scheduled it. The counselor's name is Gloria. And, because I'm less than thrilled about going, I've decided I probably won't like her. With a name like Gloria, she is probably a detached old woman who is going to judge me (my apologies to anyone named Gloria - my impression is also based off how she sounded on her voicemail). I realize this is ridiculous, she is probably lovely. Whatever, we'll see what this Gloria has to say. In the mean time, I'll keep rehearsing my first session in my head.

The truth is, why I'm really awake, is because of deployment. All the obsessing about parties and rehearsing counseling sessions is a coping mechanism - a distraction from what's actually happening and how I really feel. I feel sad and anxious and stressed. But, I'm okay. I know this is all part of it and only temporary. It's not as bad as it sounds, but it does suck. I'm starting to yawn again, I'm hoping that's a good sign. Just in case, I have my journal, a new box of tea to open, and Golden Girls is on until 3am.