Stupid Emotions

I'm not sure quite what it going on - most likely stress- but I have just been grouchy the last few days. I've had a short fuse with James and my friends. When I get home at night, I'm spent, and I don't have energy left to be nice to people. It's like when you can hear yourself talk, and you know you should stop, but you can't. I'm a full-time nanny, so my energy is spent being positive and understanding to kids all day. I don't get to say to my husband "that behavior is unacceptable, please make a different choice and change your behavior" (though I should probably be saying it to myself). All I want to do is curl up in my owl pajama pants with a glass of wine and be pissed (which is exactly what I've done, so I've been told). I've been sensitive and obsessive, and any criticism, suggestion, or comment makes me anxious. Hopefully this passes. I'm working on being more positive. Last night that meant just reading my Cosmo and not speaking. Oh, and finishing off the wine. It was a good week to buy Skinny Girl wine, lets just say that.

Part of this is probably my hormones, for sure.  It's also all the planning I've done in the last few days as well as normal stages of deployment. I've started the "random crying" phase. I'll hear a song on the radio or read a section in a book and just get sad. It's not accurate to say it's all related to deployment. It may also be that this was my first full week back at work after the holidays and taking care of the kids is taking all my energy and patience as we get back into a routine. I'm sure it's all of that, and probably more.

Tonight James and I are going out to dinner and a movie. We are seeing Zero Dark Thirty, which is may a terrible idea to be honest, or it will be just fine. I picked the last movie, though. It was This is 40 and James hated it, so I kinda owe him.  We'll see how it goes. I'm going to do my best to relax, not think about everything going on, and just have a nice evening out. That's the plan, anyway. I'm just hoping to make it through the night without bursting into tears or ripping anyone's face off. If I can manage that, I'm going to say I relaxed.  No, seriously. I really just want to have some fun and get out of this funk.