Plungers, Prozac, and a Gay Guy

I'm working on my "Deployment Tool Kit" tonight. I'm drawing from personal experience from our last 10 month deployment as well as Pavlicin's list in Surviving Deployment (if you can't tell, my most referred to book right now).

So let's get real. Military planning books will tell you a lot of great things, but not everything. Here are my recommendations based of my Tool Kit, my research, and my experiences: 

1. Industrial Plunger - it's worth it to pay extra for a good one that really works. Also, one of those things that catches your hair in the shower drain.
2. Rubber "gripper" for opening jars when I don't have access to "man hands" 
3. One of James' shirts that smells like him. Super helpful on those lonely nights
4. A journal
5. A gay guy or female date for events. I have some weddings and stuff to go to while James' is gone. I've been through this situation a lot, and I've learned that's it's just tacky to go with a straight/single male friend to parties and events. People, and even your husband - speculate that your husband being "replaced" by a  male presence around. Even if it's irrational and unfounded, save yourself the drama and put your husband's feelings first. Just suck it up and go alone - that's more fun anyway!
6. A messy house. It's hard to keep everything together when dealing with a deployment. Let your house be messy if that's how it needs to be for a bit! If someone's coming over, throw everything in one room and shut the door. Or just make a sad face and say "I miss my husband" even if you really just haven't done dishes because you just don't want to do them. Suggest going to their house instead! 
7. Jumper cables and an emergency car kit - and know how to use everything! 
8. A razor. After a while, it's time to shave your legs. I went a looonnnggg time last deployment. Why shave in the winter when you sleep alone every night, right? Because hairy legs are a reminder that you are alone and aren't getting any - and won't be for a while. You'll feel better when you finally shave, trust me.
9. Stationary, envelopes and stamps for all those letters you'll be mailing overseas. 
10. "Safety" items to keep by the bed - cell phone (charged), baseball bat (or tazer, or whatever), and a flash light. As well as a picture to stare at while you can't sleep.
11. Vibrator. Yep, I said it. We've all got needs, and those needs don't go away because our husbands are bravely fighting in a war. This isn't 1942. Stay away from hot men those times when you need to, don't get too drunk at parties with men, and don't party hard with single girlfriends. Buying yourself some batteries, 50 Shades of Grey, and Magic Mike on DVD is your safest bed. I sold Pure Romance as a hobby when my husband was away and had so much fun. Host a party at your house for your girlfriends. You'll have a lot of fun, get a lot of info and answers to questions, and get lots of free merchandise out of it. It's all confidential with private ordering.  Pure Romance.
12. Prozac. Or something like it if you really need it. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and it was pretty severe during my last deployment. Meds can be a helpful tool, not an "easy way out." If things are getting unbearable, get yourself in therapy or talk to your doctor about something to help you. There are also herbal supplements that can help. I had trouble getting out of bed for too long, and you can't deal with your emotions and face deployment if your biggest struggle is getting out of bed and wearing something other than your husband's PT sweats. 
13. Vitamins. Eat right, stay healthy, exercise. It will increase endorphins and immune system, both needed when you are feeling down. 
14. Girlftiends/Same gender friends. I talked about same-gender dates for events above. Again, your husband is far away and under enough stress, and loneliness and imagination are powerful things. Plus, just avoid the good feeling you get from being around a man when you are lonely. Avoid the drama and hang out with girls. My girlfriends are my best friends. I love them and I couldn't do this without them. 
15. My dogs. They cuddle with me at night, give me someone to take care of and someone to come home to, and will bark at loud noises. I highly recommend getting a dog - or fostering from your local shelter. 
16. Security plan - what do it in case of whatever emergency
17. Build-a-bear. This sounds lame, but it's so helpful. James and I made one together and we got voice recorders for his paws. He recorded messages for me that I could listen to while cuddling with my bead (Squishy) late at night. He even has a Navy uniform. 
18. Calendar, or some way to mark the days. I got a calendar at Family Days for our Unit that doesn't have numbers or months - just boxes. I can start the calendar when he leaves and write in my own months and days,  and end it when he comes back. There are notes on random days with positive things to go like "go for a walk" or "have a girls night."
19. Empathy. It's my job to support James through this and show empathy for other service members and their families. I also need to understand that I am not the only one having a hard time. James is having a hard time too, and his family and friends miss him as well. 
20. Faith. This will be okay. Don't be controlled by your fear.
21. Hair dye. It's a good time to get a new hair cut, change your look, dye your hair, buy clothes you wouldn't normally buy, play with make-up. No one else is there to have an opinion about it. And, if it's awful - you can dye your hair back or grow it out enough before your husband comes home - just wear a hat when you Skype. Last time my two new things were getting a nose ring and learning how to smoke a pipe. I'm not saying either of those were good choices, though. 
22. A Pinterest page. This is a great resource for finding fun new things to do and try - crafts, recipes, work outs, places to go, books, art, decorating tips. Create a list of new things to try. I'm actually kind of excited for this deployment so i can cook food James hates and modge-podge everything in our house. I also have an entire Pinterest board of happy sloths to make me smile on bad days. 

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As I write this and work on my planning, James is sitting next to me on a conference call about mobilization. We are both preparing in our own ways. I think my tool kit is more fun than this conference call, though.