As I get ready for our second deployment, it's difficult to stop comparing it to the first. I'm doing everything differently this time. My attitude is different, I'm doing my research and planning, I'm reaching out to others. Every deployment is different. I just read a blog post another military wife wrote to her younger self, and it inspired me so much. There's so many things I would like to say to the younger, newly married Meghan, about to go through deployment for the first time. So, I decided to write a letter to that twenty-three year old, terrified Meghan, because a lot of those things I need to hear now, too.
Meghan,
I know you are scared and you don't understand why this is happening or what it will mean for you, your life, and your marriage. You never planned for this to happen, and the recruiter promised you that your husband would never deploy, he would sit in an office. You are angry and feel betrayed by your husband and the country. That's okay to feel, but don't get stuck there. Don't let the anger and fear hinder you, work through it and be motivated.
You probably won't believe me, but you will be okay. Life does not care about your plans, and life generally has better plans for you. This experience will make you a stronger person than you ever realized you could be. You will be tested and challenged, and you will come out okay on the other side.
Be prepared. Make your lists and do your planning. Just because you don't do the planning, that doesn't make the planning go away. You will feel more relaxed and more capable if you have as much as you can in order before James leaves. I know it's hard and you don't want to think about the things that could go wrong during deployment, but you need to. Don't just stay focused on the "goodbye" and how much you are dreading it, think about the things you need to do to take care of yourself and your husband while he is away. Oh, and pay the rent and bills on time.
Your husband is not around to take care of you, so you have to find the strength to take care of things like bills, groceries, housework, and the car even when you don't feel like you can. Learn how to do these things before he leaves, and believe that you can and you are capable. Ask for help. You have to be the grown-up now, and you can do this.
When things start to get bad, listen to your friends. They can see things that you can't. Don't write off their advice because "they don't get it" or because you are trying to be strong, or trying to just avoid things. Your friends are there, they are trying, they care about you and they love you.
Let yourself break down and cry and have bad days, then pick yourself up keep yourself from melting down at inappropriate times and you can't get yourself back together after, then it's time to talk to a counselor about what you need. Just do it. No, I mean it. Stop making excuses.
Believe in yourself, because I believe in you. Although you don't feel it now, you are strong and capable, even more so than you realize. Believe that you can get through the day. Trust your instincts, follow what you feel you need, and believe in your emotions.
Meghan, I know you may not believe me, but I'm excited for you. You don't even know how much you will grow and change in positive ways through this deployment. You have so much ahead of you and so many opportunities to become who you really are. Get what you can out of this, do the best you can with what you have in that moment. You will be amazed at the person you have become at the end of this.
Love,
Meghan
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