The "C Word": Counseling (Part 2)

I did it. I went to my first counseling session. For those of you considering this, let me just tell you, I was terrified. I've been anxious about it since I made the appointment on Friday, and even more anxious since I remembered last night that it was today. I spent the day nervous. In the car ride on the way there, I was calling my old counseling buddy (my best friend who was in counseling the same time I was last time), and my therapist friend. To make it worse, I couldn't find the office. I was driving up and down the road nearly in tears, and ended up being late. When I found the building, it hardly looked like it should be a counseling center and I was wondering what I had gotten myself into. Then, I was even later because I had to fill out the necessary paperwork. The forms always seem so cold..."Do you feel sad? Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always," and so on.

My therapist friend calmed me down on the way there. She told me all I had to do was go in and talk, or not talk, it was my session. The counselor would ask questions and I could answer or not answer. As I was sitting in the waiting room, Gloria greeted me. I was right, she is old. Probably late 50s. For some reason, I felt a little more calm when I saw her.

Gloria's office was small with two worn leather couches, a desk and a terrible rug. She took notes the entire time, which I appreciate in a counselor. If' I'm going to talk, she better pay attention and remember what I'm saying. It was just as my friend said it would be, and how I remembered it from last time I was in counseling. She asked questions, I answered honestly. Then, she asked another question, and I answered. She was kind and understanding. And empathetic. I told Gloria I was there because I needed someone to talk to, because I wasn't around people who understood deployment and I need help with my anxiety and tools to deal with it. I need a safety net to keep myself okay and help me cope. She didn't judge me, tell me what to do, or push too far. I was still nervous, but I felt very safe with her.

I'm so glad I went to see Gloria. Of course I'm nervous about going more. No one likes to talk honestly about their emotions, it's scary. But, I need to talk honestly about my emotions because they aren't going away. That's not how it works. So, I'm going again next week...and for 10 weeks after that.