Long Lost Blogger has a New Blog

My last blog post was April 7, 2013.
I am astonished at the year it has been.
My husband did not deploy, resulting in a big mess to clean up.
In the midst of that, we had a baby.
The day before we found out he was not going to deploy, we found out we are going to have a baby after struggling for a long time to get pregnant. The year that followed resulted in him hating is job as an exterminator and me puking and getting huge.
The good thing to come out of this, was Isabelle Grace. The love of our lives, and what we do all this for. She was appropriately born on Thanksgiving Day.

Izzy is now nearly 8 months old, and amazing. Our lives continue to be messy, but now they have a beautiful, messy, fabulous new factor.

After the non-deployment and with the coming of the new baby, I stopped writing entirely. I simply could not handle it. Now, it's time to start again. It's time for new exploration, and a new blog.

I can't believe my readership has continued after over a year of not touching this blog. It encourages me to go on, to write again. So, here it goes. Warning - it may not be pretty.

The Terrifying New Blog is aptly titled "Our Messy Life"
bemessylivemessy.blogspot.com

Here, I will be exploring living a more connected life with the help of Rachel Macy Stafford's book Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters.

I will also be exploring being a mama, and while being a mama trying to still be a good wife and a good person! I consider myself "kind of cruchy." We babywear, but don't cloth diaper, use homeopathic treatments but vaccinate, Attachment Parent but don't co-sleep, practice Baby Led Weaning, and whatever the hell else falls in to the Crunchy/AP category we are trying to figure out. We take what works for us and move on, and Izzy is teaching us new things about ourselves and our beliefs (and our relationship) every day!

And then, there's marriage. The messiest topic of all.

Thank you, readers and friends.
Please join me on my next step.

Time For Change

I've been shown so much in the last year how I am not in control of my life, and how things can change in an instant. The problem I have is believing things are changing for the better. I wonder, does life care? Or does life just keep moving forward and it's my job to choose to join in and make the best of it?

I am usually an optimist, I used to believe that everything happens for a reason. But I don't know about that. Sometimes, things just happen, and we can look to find the good in it or try to change it, or not. I worked in a mental health facility for years, and many of my clients dealt with terrible traumas in their lives. They would often ask "why would God let this happen to me?" or "is this some part of a plan?" I began to think about al the pain and suffering in the world and wondering why it was all happening. After dealing with so many clients that faced terrible traumas in their life, I came to believe that bad things just happen, and often for no reason. Simply put, people make choices, and they and others have to deal with the consequences of those choices. Friends, family, a higher power - they are all their to grieve with you and see you through it, and are sad for you when it happens. Life is hard, bad and good things happen, and we take what we can from it and move on.We can choose to take what we want from it, forgive and heal, and move forward. That is what gives the experiences in life meaning and purpose.

Spring is here, finally! And the seasons changing of course reminds me of change in life. The flowers are blooming, the grass is growing, there is change in the air. It's a time for healing and rebirth in nature after a harsh winter. Life is moving forward, and I can choose how I want to participate despite the set backs that I have faced in my life. The things that have happened in my life have made me stronger, and made me who I am.

My husband is still searching for new orders, and we are waiting to see where life is going to take us next. But I am done sitting around my house waiting on the military to decide my future. I am going to open up my windows, get out my spring clothes and pack away my sweaters, and embrace the process of change and growth, and painful and sucky as it can be. It can also be beautiful. This last deployment did not happen, so what new adventure is waiting for us next?

Orders: Cancelled. How life can change in one phone call.

It's been a while since I've written. And that is because our lives have been totally turned upside-down by the military. I have been confused, angry, and processing a lot of information- and adjusting to life being so different than I thought it would be right now. Right now, my husband is supposed to be deployed. He isn't.

A year and a half ago, we were told a deployment was coming, but we didn't know when. We waited over a year for orders that we knew would change our lives. In December, orders came. I focused on the holidays, and then started in January, I started preparing for deployment, emotionally and logistically. I started this blog to document my journey through it all.

A month ago, we were ready. We had gone through all the steps. My husband was in leadership for the mission and having regular meetings. We had prepared ourselves emotionally and mentally, getting in the mind set for deployment. I threw a going-away party. Over a hundred people came. I took a week off work to spend with my husband before he left. My husband had taken a leave-of-absence from work and said his goodbyes.

9 days before my husband was supposed to deploy for almost a year, we were told his orders were being cancelled for medical reasons - reasons we were told were not an issue that there was a 95% chance the deployment would go on like normal. We spent 4 days trying to appeal this, with people fighting on his side.

5 days before deployment, my husband's orders were officially cancelled and he was told he could not deploy out of country for at least a year. Medical had his paperwork for over 3 months, and for some reason we don't understand made the decision 5 days before he was supposed to ship out.

For those of you new to the military, there you go. This can happen. With deployment, it is important to remember that until the mission is underway and your spouse is gone, everything is subject to change.

There are of course so many mixed emotions surrounding this. For us, this is a difficult situation. This deployment was important to us as a large part of our income and long-term goals. We had volunteered for this mission. This mission was also important to my husband's military career, especially with his leadership role in it and upcoming possibility of advancements. We had accepted the deployment's hardships, planned our lives and careers around the deployment, and were already emotionally disconnected from "normal" life. My husband had taken a leave-of-absence from work, taken time off school (with the GI Bill is also part of our income). Everything in our lives was built around this deployment. I was so angry that something like this could happen to us at the last minute. This has been especially difficult for my husband, who was devoted to and prepared for this mission. After getting the news, we sat in silence, stunned. We had planned a year of our lives around this, and it was just...gone.

But my husband is not gone. For now, he is home with me and I'm so grateful for that. We have spent the last couple weeks shell shocked, but he is home. I don't want any spouse with a deployed husband to think that I am not happy that my husband is home. Deployments are incredibly difficult, and despite the importance of this deployment in our long-term goals, I ultimately did not want it to happen and wished it didn't have to be this way. I love my husband so much and I am grateful that I get to wake up with him every day, and preparing for him leaving had me incredibly stressed at sad, I was dreading deployment as well as counting on it. I am so grateful to not be coming home to an empty house every night and waking up alone. But, I know that this is only temporary...maybe. Who knows anything anymore.

I am so frustrated that we went through all of this, and everything changed so quickly, at the last minute. It was especially difficult realizing that all of our deployment prep-work, all the hardships of goodbyes, were for nothing. That's the thing about the military, even in the Reserves. Life can change in an instant. Now, we have to make new plans and reorganize our lives. My husband has returned to work at his civilian job for now.  We are moving on.

We are also playing the waiting game again, waiting for new orders. My husband may leave for several months to work on an air-craft carrier or on a base, in country. For now, I will go back into "waiting for orders" mode, and continue to research and write about deployment, and what I am going through now. We may only be waiting on orders for a few weeks, or a couple months. We do not know. I asked my husband if he can "stay on" anyone about this to make sure things are moving forward. There is apparently no "staying on" commanding officers.We have no idea what these new orders may be, how long my husband may be gone, or if he is even going. We could find out tomorrow that he is leaving next week!

 At least we are together. I am still trying not to be angry. This is what it means to be a military family. We have to expect the unexpected and know that we can't count on much, except each other. My husband's command is doing their best to make sure that we are taken care of, and I am so grateful for that as well. They are in our corner and also angry and working to make sure we have what we need. My husband's job let him come back despite leave of absence and work on a week by week schedule, understand that he could leave on very short notice. Our friends and family have been incredibly supportive through all of this mess. It's time to move forward, make new plans, and see what life has in store for us now.

Everything can change in an instant. Be thankful for the moments you do have together. Understand that change is part of being in the military. Being in the military, serving like this, is a calling for the strongest people. Be flexible, and don't get stuck in a certain idea of what life is supposed to be. I've been shown in the last couple of weeks that life has much different plans, and I am ultimately not in control.

Pictures: Navy Deployment Going Away Party

Before my husband's deployment, I decided to throw him a big party. I didn't throw any parties for our last deployment, so this time I wanted to give him a big send-off. I rented out the American Legion and had them cater (the Legion gave me a WAY discounted rate even though we aren't members, so it's worth looking into if you are planning a military event). It was a fabulous evening. We had at least 100 guests, as well as a DJ (a Vet who is friends with my MIL volunteered), and several friends and family come from out of town!

 I found mason jars, glass stones, and votive candles at the dollar store!

 We served hot wings, mac & cheese, beans, and corn muffins.

 Our lovely cakes were provided by a family friend who is good friends with a baker.

 The color theme was blue & gold (for Navy). With the log cabin atmosphere, I decorated with homey/country touches, lots of mason jars and votive candles and paper lanterns. The star above is the balloon anchor for our balloon bouquets. Also streamers, ribbons and balloons from Party City

 The cakes were amazing!! We were so happy! I didn't see them until they arrived at the party.

I made Sparkling Strawberry Punch with a recipe I found on Pinterest (recipe at the end). It was a big hit!

 Paper lanterns from Party City. $4 for a package of 3

 It was a very nice Legion, log cabin with a second story in the hall!

 My husband and I. He knew the party was happening, but wasn't allowed to the hall until it was time for the party, so he didn't see it decorated or any of the food, cakes, etc! He was so surprised!

 Our good friend from out of state came in to surprise my husband. This is when my husband walked in and saw him

 We wrapped the pool tables in table runners for the food, then later in the evening took them off for pool. This is how the Legion usually does their catering.

 The wings were "naked" with all the sauces on the side so guests could have more options.

 Our hall at the Legion had a second story with more tables, which was amazing because we filled up the first floor!

 At the side, I set up this special table. I had blank stationary set out and a white memory box from Hobby Lobby. Guests wrote cards for my husband and put them in the box. I will include the cards in mail and care packages that I send throughout the deployment so he is always getting mail from loved ones. Guests liked this a lot! I also had crayons and paper for the kids to draw pictures, make cards for my husband, or make cards for the troops. I also had a notebook sitting out for guests to write their email address so I can get them my husband's mailing address during deployment.

 I placed signs with instructions for guests at each "station" on the table. The signs are printed on scrap book paper and displayed in frames from the dollar store. Each sign was only $1.15 and I can reuse the frames!

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 Table runners from GFS, large packs of votive candles from Hobby Lobby. It was cold and snowy out, so I wanted the tables to be comfortable and inviting.

The party came together very nicely! We had access to the Legion's bar as well, and pool tables later in the evening. Guests began arriving at 7pm and were there until close at 3am! I was so happy with the turn out. I also had amazing help! Friends and family helped put things together and help decorate. I'm telling you, let people help if they want to! I actually did very little decorating. I was stressing out and just let those who were there to help take over while I made sure all the details were coming together.

The best part was, I was able to just relax and enjoy the party. I tried not to stress about anything once the party was in full swing, and just visited with guests and had fun! That was not as easy as it sounds. My husband was surprised and happy and people showed up to support him, and that was all that really mattered to me.




Sparkling Strawberry Punch Recipe
I tripled the recipe and it wasn't enough for 100 people, it was a huge hit! I didn't add the Kool Aid, but that's because I lost it right before the party. It turned out fine :) I also searched everywhere for non-alcoholic frozen strawberry daiquiri mix and couldn't find the kind that you are supposed to freeze, just the kind you add crushed ice to. I used that and it also worked great. At the end of the night, the pitchers were had nothing but a bunch of strawberries left (the punch was so good, people were scooping out just the strawberries!), so I had the caterers add the rest of their lemonade to the strawberries. Also, I couldn't find strawberry water, so I used strawberry kiwi flavored.

6 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Deployment

With deployment comes a lot of experience and knowledge. There are some things you simply don't know or wouldn't think of until your first deployment. Each deployment is different, too, so you will learn new things all the time! Here's some things I wish I had known:

1. Custom forms suck. These are the forms you have to fill out if you are going to mail your Sailor/Soldier  care packages. You have to list every item by weight, write all the information in the right places, and press hard enough to make it through 4 receipts. It's also best to fill these out before you tape up the package, before you get to the post office. If you include a copy of the receipt in the package, your soldier can hold on to them and you may be able to get reimbursed for shipping. Just keep a stack at home, you will always want a back-up in case you mess up the one you are filling out..
2. The military can change/cancel/alter orders at the last minute. The saying is "you don't know where you are going until you get there, or when you will be back until you get home." It's important to remember to be flexible. Flight times, orders, location, coming home dates, the mission, they are all subject to change at any time. This is incredibly frustrating, I know. It's just part of it, and if you know it can happen it's easier to roll with the punches. My husband always says "orders are written in Jell-o." 
3. Send toilet paper. The really good kind. The soldiers in the desert are using 1 ply on the giant rolls. My husband says that just one roll (since that's all they have room for in their racks) of nice, non-sandpaper toilet paper is a hot commodity in the desert. It's the little luxuries that matter. 
4. Don't send care packages that will embarrass your spouse. It may be fun to decorate the box all girlie and fill it with glitter, but don't. Your spouse will be opening this in front of other people (or it may be opened for him). You want your care packages to be fun and practical and show your love, not fill your husband's tiny living space with perfume and glitter and streamers. Believe me, guys make fun of each other relentlessly. If you are sending something for your spouse's eyes only, label it that way. Then he can make sure not to open it with everyone else around.
5. Mail does not arrive in order. Number your letters and packages. For some reason, mail has to travel through an alternate universe before it can reach it's destination over seas. You or your spouse may receive letter #20 before letter #2. Mail often gets damaged, torn, or lost and the fact that it takes so long makes no sense to me. Number everything you send. Also, be careful what you write. Don't write about a situation you need help with, because by the time your spouse gets the letter, it will be over and they will be very confused!
6. Deployment is hard, but you will be okay. Keep an open mind and an open heart. Remember that you are strong and capable and you can get through this. Use your resources!!

You know you are a (Navy) Reservist's Wife...

You know you're a Navy Reservist's Wife when...

1. You've never gotten to perfect the art of unbuttoning the buttons on his Dress Blues because you only see him wear them once a year...if that. 
2. You are used to explaining to people that Navy Reservists don't have to be near an ocean.
3. When you aren't with your husband, people you rarely see assume he's deployed, when he's actually just at work.
4. People ask you if your husband is a Navy Seal.
5. You've had to actually explain to people that your husband doesn't know anyone from Seal Team 6.
6. You feel like, unless there's a deployment happening, you have to tell people that you are a real military wife.
7. You're used to your husband only shaving his beard once a month. 
8. The main reason to get your military ID out is for discounts because you are rarely on a base.
9. People have no idea what your husband does in the Navy Reserves (especially in a land-locked state), and you aren't totally sure sometimes either.
10. You thought it would be fun to go with your husband to drill, then you realized you had nothing do and sat in a hotel for the weekend while he worked and you were the only spouse there.

Our deployment photo session: PICTURES!

Some of our best friends gifted us with a photo session with their wedding photographer. We don't have any recent pictures of my husband in his dress uniforms, and none of us together in them! With my husband deploying soon, this seemed like a great time to finally get some picture taken! Our photographer Jim Meyer did a fabulous job!! Meyer Photography